There are primarily two reasons why people divorce – the one is to escape a relationship that has been destructive, painful or loveless. The second is to seek a more satisfying life with a new partner or alone. Desperate unhappy people search for ways out of their unhappiness. As they look around, married people often see their spouse as the culprit:” I would be happier if he / she is more attentive,” for example. Here, the underlying belief is that the person’s unhappiness is caused by his or her mate. If I get rid of my spouse, I will get rid of this problem. This goal is not always accomplished through divorce. (Davies, M.W. Divorce Busting)
Furthermore, we are so often reminded by our consumer society of what we want, what works for me, what I can get from this relationship, instead of what I can contribute to the relationship.
At the time of divorce, both couples are intent on getting rid of their unhappiness. It is hard for them to imagine the multiple changes that divorce will bring. Should a couple remarry, the child of divorced parents will have two biological parents, two stepparents, a range of possible combinations of biological siblings and extended relatives. A restructured family brings along new family rules, routines, rituals, expected role distribution and dealing with the different life phases of the members concerned.
It is increasingly recognized that the way children function after their parents’ divorce depends on the quality of the family environment during the period of the marital separation. Divorce is always linked to certain experiences and expectations, pain, remorse, anger, bonds and attachments. This needs to be worked through between both parent and child. People who decide to remarry need to be aware of the motivations behind the decisions. Former hurts, for instance would not necessary be healed through a new relationship. Do I seek this relationship as an escape from an unhappy, unpleasant marriage? What will it take to blend children from separated families?
Restructured families require a great deal of patience, generosity, and forgiveness on everyone’s part. Children, especially, may be hesitant to offer loyalty and affection to a newcomer. They may feel guilty and disloyal towards a biological parent which will impact on the development of new relationships.
We would like to invite you to join our sessions for restructured families where we focus on the experiences, anger, feelings of hostility, and re-adjustment of each member within the new family environment. Children and teenagers can benefit in attending these sessions. The context of the workshop entails the following issues:
- My journey up to this day (a creative self-journey session through writing and drawing).
- My expectations and motivations (anonymous – The hat technique).
- What makes ME unique?
- My contribution to both families. (what I am willing to give).
- Ideas concerning the structural and everyday living arrangements (meal times, layout of the house, homework, role expectation, divided weekends, etc.)
- Discipline (current life cycle phases for each member, discipline style, hierarchies and boundaries, communication patterns and conflict resolution).
- Two families mission statements.
Workshop: Divorce & Restructured Families
Medical rates apply
Sessions: as per arrangement with groups.