A Relationship brings together two imperfectly motivated people who strongly and somewhat selfishly desire intimacy and the good things in life but who fear being hurt. We all experience the frustration of being misunderstood, not being listened to, emotional moods, expectations not being met, different beliefs/values. To have a great relationship both partners must be able to fearlessly express their beliefs, concerns and preferences authentically.
Take responsibility for your own behaviour, even when your partner does not seem to want to get along. You can choose to be polite and to use good skills, even when your partner will not. Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own efforts. Interdependent people combine their efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success. These are the people who can share themselves deeply, meaningfully with others and they have vast resources and potential that they can utilise from others.
Expectation – we bring into our relationships an array of hopes and dreams from a variety of sources. Expectations are profoundly powerful, as they reflect what we long for and how we wish things to be. Expectations play a crucial role in determining our level of satisfaction in a relationship. Unmet expectations provide great potential for conflict.
Escalation, invalidation, withdrawal, and negative patterns make it unsafe to express your real heart.
Be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” thereby limiting the damaging patterns and fostering better communication.
Hidden issues often drive our most frustrating and destructive arguments and are often not the things being talked about openly. Hidden issues can be power, caring, recognition, commitment, integrity, and acceptance. Because these issues are the things closest to our hearts, they often have a deeper spiritual significance.